I need to tell you a story that perfectly captures what my trips are like.
We were on a game drive in Kruger, just as dusk was falling. The temperature had dropped from 32ยฐC to about 10ยฐC in the space of an hour. Everyone had thrown on sweaters and cardigans.
And then three women announced they really, really needed to pee.
Something you need to know about peeing in the African wilderness:
You can’t just duck behind a bush. Not when leopards are hunting. Not when crocodiles could dart out of the water and grab you. Not when lions are on the move.
The ranger chooses your spot. And the ranger watches to make sure you don’t get eaten.
So Jurgen (our ranger) points to a fairly “open” spot (meaning no cover, completely exposed) and says to Remke, Nicole, and Ilse: “You pee here where I can see you. I’ll turn around.”
Picture this: three women who’ve known each other for maybe 48 hours. Crouching in a row in the dirt. In full view of each other. Giggling nervously because what else can you do?
You have two choices: pee or die.
And then Remke accidentally farts. Loudly.
They absolutely lost it. Laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe. The ranger immediately yelling at them to be quiet because of the wild animals, which only made them laugh harder.
Ilse wrote in her diary that night: “We literally peed our pants laughing, but we’d just emptied our bladders.”
Here’s why I’m telling you this:
Because this is what actually happens on these trips.
Not the Instagram version. Not the polished safari-with-wine version. The real version.
The version where you’re crouching in the dirt with women you barely know, laughing so hard you can’t stand up, while a ranger with a rifle makes sure a leopard doesn’t eat you.
The version where you realise: I can’t believe I just did that. And I can’t believe I don’t even care.
That’s when the transformation happens. Not in the planned moments. Not in the “you’re going to find yourself” retreat bullshit.
It happens when you have no choice but to let go of your embarrassment. Your dignity. Your carefully constructed image of who you’re supposed to be.
It happens when you’re so far outside your comfort zone that all you can do is laugh.
And here’s what happens next:
Those three women? Theyโre bonded for life.
That’s what happens when you pee in a row in the African wilderness.
That’s what happens on Wild at Heart.
P.S. Jurgen always carries a rifle during bathroom breaks. And yes, we’ve had elephants walk past while women were mid-squat. This is real wilderness, and it’s absolutely worth it.
P.S.S. We have 5 spots left for May 11-24 on our Wild At Heart Expedition!ย
One woman’s already in. She might end up being the one who farts. Or the one who can’t stop laughing. Or the one standing guard with the ranger.
Could you be one of the others?
